Gothiron.......? Don't I know that name...Rants from the past revived

Keep pub names relevant!

I'm not actually alone here, a while back, Nicholas Winterton, tried to bring legislation in to preserve pub names by introducing a Bill which makes the name of a public house part of the licence conditions and be changed only after local consultation.

Whilst doing the research for this op, I was amazed to find that there are regulations by the score dictating what the size of the sign is, what scale it has to be and even how bright the lighting of it is, but there is nothing to govern the actual name. Barking! (Well Barking Dog actual) So, in the case for the Prosecution, I urge those with law making power to take a simple step to preserve some of Britain's heritage without the need to whack a blue plaque on a wall or even spend money!

I originally thought that this law probably wouldn’t improve anybody’s standard of life or prevent cruelty in all guises from continuing to occur, but it would merely serve to preserve a very underrated part of our heritage and history - the traditional pub name, but apparently I was wrong from the comments left on this op.

It never occured to me that taxi drivers might suffer loss of revenue due to pub & club names constantly being changed "but I've been waiting 20mins outside "Froggies for a cab" "sorry squire, no such place, you don't mean The Jeremy Fisher do you?". And what about the historians and archaeologists, pub names are used to glean vital clues about locations of villages now lost, of ownership of local lands and details of significant events, I'm convinced that the "Firkinspoon & Carrot" won't feature highly on any TimeTeam plans in future years.

The onward march of the chain pub, bars and drinking venues has meant the demise of the humble Rose & Crown, Red Lion and King’s Head and the rise of the Rat & Carrot, Firkin & Ferret and my particular loathsome favourite, The Slug & Lettuce. Add to that equation the O’Neill’s, Ryan’s Bars and Flanaghans and the local history and eccentric origins are all but consigned to slop trays of time.

Pub names tended to reflect either local trades (Bakers Arms, Papermaker Arms, Coopers Arms from my local area), local characters & events from history, (Sixteen String Jack, Earl of Essex, The Lord Napier) or national heroes & events (The Royal Oak, The Lord Nelson, Rose & Crown). Generic, bland or "zany" names do nothing to create a sense of identity or convey any sense of history.

Not that all chains are bad, evil destroyers of local heritage – some actively promote them. I am, of course referring to the JD Wetherspoon pub chain who pride themselves on giving their pubs names that reflect local history, however obscure, and are usually done after consultation with the local community. They must have rubbed their hands with glee at being able to use The Great Spoon for my ex-local in Ilford (if you want to know the reason then refer to my opinion on Ilford In General, plug plug) but a more touching story is behind the Eva Hart in Chadwell Heath, my latest JDW local. She was a local resident who was a survivor of the Titanic and now she has a more lasting memorial than any headstone or inscription – she has a pub named after her.

I look forward to Gothiron’s Gargoyle as a token of thanks for this op in the near future!

But pubs have always changed names I hear you cry. Well yes, but it was usually to reflect a change in either a local or national situation. Many a White Boar, named in honour of Richard III, were repainted to Blue Boar’s following the battle of Boswoth and they may well have been The White Hart in honour of Richard II at some point. The Sun was for Edward IV and the coronation of Henry VII caused a flurry of Rose & Crowns. The Royal Oak serves as a reminder of King Charles II shinning up an oak tree to fox the Roundheads searching for him. A varitable tapestry of history through something as simple as a pub sign. Many of the walking tours of London use the pub names as a way of telling the local history (I’m steering well clear of the Elephant & Castle debate here chaps!) Just what the fuck does the Frog & Firkin mean to you?

What really gets me is that the chains lack any imagination or inclination to reflect contemporary society & professions. Where are the equivalents of the Wig and Pen, the Smugglers Arms, Sweeney Todd? - I would have thought that someone would have come up with The Minister’s Folly in memory of the Dome, The Spider and Globe for the internet (world wide web geddit?) or the Free Kick in honour of a certain Mr Beckham (or even The Diving Swan in honour of any one of the temperamental Weeble-esque strikers in the Premiership). Surely someone near Whitehall could be persuaded to have The Spin Doctor. It’s obviously a dying art coming up with an imaginative, relevant name for the local watering hole to remind the passing world of events and origins.

My favourite pub name? Well it’s got to be The Guinea Pig - East Grinstead, West Sussex.
The name comes from a nearby hospital that during World War II pioneered the use of plastic surgery. Some 600 patients were treated at the hospital, mainly pilots and aircrew and these became members of the Guinea Pig Club - referring to the innovative surgical work of Sir Archibald McIndoe and his colleagues. Check out the website below for the most brilliant pub sign ever!

So M’lud please see in the dock all those chains that have come up with “amusing” and “witty” modern names for their trendy themed pubs at the expense of colourful and meaningful names that have their roots in the mists of time and once provided more information in a mere name or sign than could be told in any Lonely Planet Guide. Your Honour, sentence them to restoring the names of the pubs they have stolen the identity from and bar from common parlance the mentions of Lettuces & Slugs unless it’s a description of salad, condemn the Firkin & Hogshead back to the obscurity of ale measurement and remove the Carrot and Rats back to the garden where they belong.

For more info on pub signs try http://www.bjcurtis.force9.co.uk/ as a great web site!

And any new pub owners out there, The Gargoyle & Gothiron would be a great name -

and I'd even come and open it! hing & writing the "reviews", thought it only fair to see if there is a place for a retro Ben Elton-equese style written rants.