Gothiron.......? Don't I know that name...Rants from the past revived

The Child Within

Having a junior school teacher for a mum had few things to recommend it. Bizarre taunts of "just because you're a teacher's daughter" ringing around the playground, having to wait until marking is finished to go home and having to refer to her as Mrs so&so rather than Mum all go went with the territory. These were compenstated by one thing (no, not the ability in later life to reveal which members of staff were knocking off whom), but the fact that I had access to the most brilliant selection of children's books possible and had ingrained in me a love of reading that will never whither (OK technically that's two but hey, she wasn't a maths teacher!)

Whilst poking around to do a bit of research, I discovered that either my Mum had shares in Penguin, was psychically able to read to her classes (and therefore me by default) the books that would end up in The Century's Greatest Childrens Book List and spawn mass buying 30 years later or else was just a damn fine teacher and knew what made children tick. Many of my favs are now hailed as modern classics or have worldwide acknowledgement of their insightfulness into the childish psyche - me, I just thought that they were brill. If you come across another 30+ who lists most of these as their favourites, then odds-on, they were part of the great Fairlop Junior School literary society taught by my mum!

So the drumroll of honour begins:

No. 10 The Magic Finger - Roald Dahl

A very right-on and ecologically sound book, years ahead of it's time. The main character is "an extraordinary little girl who possesses a very strange power" - the skill (and I'd donate other people's blood for this..) that if she gets angry with someone, she points her finger at them and ZAP! they are imaginatively punished for whatever misdemeanour they have committed. It always bugged me that she didn't have a name but I guess the idea was that you just thought she was you or your sister or best friend - it works, it fits. The main storyline is over the reformation of character of her neighbours who love to shot and hunt anything that moves, the final straw coming when they kill a deer and she zaps them into having wings not fingers and the ducks get the guns - revenge! Of course they see how vile hunting is and eventually get turned back to nice humans and not into crispy chinese snacks... Illustrations by Quentin Blake, what more do you want. I loved it as a kid because it was such a balanced story and the heroine was a girl. When you're 8 these things matter and there was a real lack of good, strong female characters in children's books back then (and of course there is such a plethora of them now....)

This book is probably what turned me on to animal welfare issues and the anti-hunting lobby, I always thought that the League of Cruel Sports (of which I'm proud to be a lifemember) should include this in their catalogue. And if you want a 2005 perspective on ducks - try this

No.9 The Mallory Towers Series - Enid Blyton

Pure girly escapism, wishing to be part of that "jolly hockey-sticks brigade" with midnight feasts and apple pie beds and all stuff that was so elitist it was stunning. I used to long to go to boarding school and experience all this at first hand - but in reality I'd have been the fat one that gets bullied and then befriended as an example of "Gosh girls, it's really not done to be vile to poor old Podge here, she is awfully good at being Goalie afterall" - St Ed's Romford had it's own more comprehensive version of that particular reality. My mum went to a boarding school and she added to the magic for me by related stories of the stuff she got up to - including knocking her best buddies front teeth out with a lacrosse stick! What cracking good fun eh! It's really interesting that a lot of people are comparing the Harry Potter series to Enid Blyton based series - well that gives it ringing endorsement in my book!

No.8 Bogwoppitt - Ursula Moray Williams (1979)

Strolling into books actually published after I was born is Bogwoppitt. It's one of those great books that is all about befriending and accepting differences plus being nasty to boot. This woman is a brilliant author, being responsible for another fav of mine, Gobolino, The Witches Cat. Bogwoppitts are rat like things, black, feathered, dumpy, and with a little beak and either blue or green eyes. The children in the story lived with an evil aunt who hated Bogwoppitts but had the misfortune to have large amounts of them in the Bopwoppitta bush in her garden that they fed on. The Bogwoppitts hated her as much as she hated them and much of the story is about how the two sides play off against each other. The lav in our house was forever known as the "Bogwoppitt" after this came out!

No.7 The Faraway Tree series - Enid Blyton

It's meant to not be very pc to admit to liking Enid Blyton but I'll be a rebel and stand up and be counted. She was probably one of the most imaginative writers of the modern era and offered marvellous escapism for children of whatever class. The story surrounds a trio of prissy kids who stumble across the magical Faraway Tree deep within the Enchanted Woods and met all the "queer fairy folk living there" and find out the Faraway Tree is the portal to magical and fantastic lands. There usually was a fairly obviously moral attached to each about what happens if you do things wrong in each land but down the Slippery-Slip you go to Imagination City.

I remember the joy of getting the whole series of these and the Wishing Chair in the shiny hardback version for Christmas one year and spent many happy hours with Moon Face, Dame Washalot and The Saucepan Man (no, not my family) imagining all the lands I'd love to have gone to like The Land of Do As You Please or Take What You Want. Nowadays, I'd settle for a "Reliable PC Land" but in those days it was the Faraway Tree Lands that I escaped to make life seem a bit more fun and bearable. Just simply brilliant and it should be a crime for any parent not to read these to their children.

No. 6 My Naughty Little Sister - Dorothy Edwards

Another blast from the past, these were books that my sister used to read, having been given them by an aged relative when I came along to spoil her life. I was overjoyed to see that they are still available and still make good reading particularly for younger kids wanting to move on to "proper books". MNLS companion was a "scamp" called Bad Harry and I thought he was great - I was convinced for years that Dirty Harry was some relation! There are 12 books in the series and they really are quaintly old fashioned, with topics about making jams and the variety available, seeing toffee made and horror upon horror, picking the heads off a neighbours tulip plant! I used to love reading them, wishing I had the courage to be that "naughty" and imagining what my Mum would do if she had "My Naughty Little Sister" as a child. Very innocent books that really do hark back to another era.

No.5 The Owl Who was Afraid of the Dark - Jill Tomlinson

One of my favourite "life lines" comes from this book "I like the dark, it's kind to the old" The story is about a fat fluffy owl called Plop who was scared of the dark, bit of a problem for a nocturnal killing machine, and had "knackety knees" and he gradually learns how to embrace the dark and overcome his fears to achieve what he wants to in life. A really good story for anyone who used to hate the dark (boy - did I learn to deal with that one OK) and I have very fond memories of the teacher who read it to me (not my mum!) The spoken tape version by Maureen Lipman is great.

No.4 Flat Stanley - Jeff Brown

Again, a classic piece of literature that must have been a teacher's dream with all the side issues you can explore. Stanley Lambchop is a normal kid until one night he is unexpectedly flattened by a falling notice board and is squashed totally flat, normal height, half an inch wide. It's a great story for anyone who wishes they were different looking as it shows how great it is to be different in the first place (yep and bullies always back down when challenged...). Although any current day Flat Stanley's would probably find themselves microwaved and X-Rayed due to Anthax threats, our Stanley was posted around America via the postal system, a great saving on air fares (after travelling Easy-Jet recently, I saw the attractions of this), he could be slipped down a drain to retrieve lost rings and packaged away for easy transportation. The story is a real imagination prompter as you can imagine what life must be like to be totally portable. There were apparently two other books in the series, Stanley and the Magic Lamp and Invisible Stanley but I've never seen them or read them, but am quite tempted to hunt them out.

This book must have inspired quite a few people as there is a thriving Flat Stanley Project running in the States where kids create a Flat Stanley of their own and mail him out, asking people to forward him on to others and let them know a bit about where he goes and what life is like in different parts of the States and the world. A bit like an intelligent balloon race idea only no popped balloons for hedgehogs to choke on! Anyone wants to start a Flat Stanley mail out?

No.3 Bottersnikes & Gumbles - S A Wakefield (1967)

There was, I now discover, three other books in the series, but I only ever read this one and now it is out of print. Gumbles were the Ozzie equivalent to Wombles and live on a rubbish tip, keeping it neat as they hate any kind of waste or littering in their homeland. They are pasty, squashy things and very happy and from memory all had names beginning with W - Willy Gumble suffered a name change to Wally Gumble when my mum read it, 8 year olds probably can't cope with the mention of "Willy" on a regular basis! The nasty old Bottersnikes were fat, scaly, green spikey things who smoked, were messy and made the Gumbles life hell - their favourite pastime being squashing the gumbles into empty baked bean tins and throwing them out of trees, just fantastic - I'm convinced that I'm a hybrid Grumblesnike

The books details the struggle between the two who couldn't be further apart in the spectrum of life if they added another colour to it, and it is one great read. Hunt it out at bootsales right now! S A Wakefield also wrote The Silver Brumby - give that a big miss.

No2. Fattypuffs & Thinifers - Andre Maurois (1940)

It's back in print and Amazon have it - yes I do believe in fairies! Being more of a Fattypuff than a Thinifer, this book sticks with me as an example of how to write an inclusive book for children. It's about two brothers (fat & thin) Terry & Edmund who discover a land where the Fattypuffs are at war with the Thinifers and they are expected to take sides against each other. The book has, I now realise, a mild anti war theme and is a "let's value difference and get on together" type tale but is still a brill read and has some of the funniest drawings outside of anything by Quetin Blake. The descriptions are great, "Fattypuffs are as fat as balloons. Thinifers are as thin as string beans", even how they sit and what they eat dictates their heritage "Lazy and amiable, Fattypuffs like overstuffed chairs and large squashy pastries. Thinifers on the other hand, are a lean and energetic bunch who prefer to skip unnecessary meals-like lunch to save as much time as possible" - I know people like that, I really do!

No.1 "The Child's Book of Everything Within"

Top of my list is an archaic tome that probably isn't even in existence anymore and was capable of being an education system in itself. It was ancient when it was given to me by a family friend some 25+ years ago and has since fallen apart but if I ever found another copy, I'd probably break the bank to buy it.

It was one of those massive books with a proper binding and was written with the view that children should be treated as adults who don't know it yet and it contained everything you could think of: The Roman, Norse, Greek & Egyptian gods and legends - a subject upon which I can bore for England to this very day, Great Inventions of Our Time (which probably stopped around 1930), Great actors of the stage, the Outreaches of the Empire, card games, scientific experiments and things to make, how to disguise yourself using simple household products (most of which were obsolete by the time I read it), a guide to improving handwriting, Great People of History, How to sew a neat seam on a pillowcase, how to knit, how to embroider, how to crotchet, Presents for Your Lovely Mother, How to make pastry and nutritional meals + the coal rich seams of the UK (these being the things that stuck in my mind for some reason) It was just such an interesting book that you forget it was meant to be informative and just really enjoyed it - the knowledge it imparted probably forming the basis for the stack of useless information that I have tucked away in my brain, making me a dab hand at quizzes.

So to the unknown authors of The Child's Book of Everything Within, I raise a glass of gratitude!